part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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