Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
