I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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