theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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