the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
