Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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