My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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