My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
