SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
