another moral hangover. fuck.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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