he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
