Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
