I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
