I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
