my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
