There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..