dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.