I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
