I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole