Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
