how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us