you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
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I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.