I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
