the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Please don't give away my fajitas
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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