i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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