If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just had sex bonerless
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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