you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
