flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
