Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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