grandma shit on top of the toilet
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
