he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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