Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
