I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
