Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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