I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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