More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
