Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
