every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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