I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
