I wish I could teleport
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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