running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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