well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My vagina just recognized that song.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
