i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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