You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
