she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
