Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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