I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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