I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
