Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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