I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
