i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm both gender and math confused
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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