I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
