You work out of a Hotel?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
