So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
