Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
