I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
