My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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