They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
