you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
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She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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