rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
