I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
