I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
