Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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