oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care