Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i now understand why vodka
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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