remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea