I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.