we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?