i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
