I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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