I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she woke up with a sticky ear
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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