Sry I called you an 8
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
