omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
