So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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