3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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