Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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