1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
