I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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