i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
