So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
