best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
