Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
