I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
